Problems at Home
Early into my third year, I’m having difficulties all around.
- I can’t seem to think about anything other than The Company
- I’m less interested in spending time with my significant other, who is the only person in my life that genuinely cares about me
- I’m drinking way, way too much.
One night in January I broke a glass while drunkenly doing dishes and gashed my forearm quite a bit, which required stitches.
In February, I start telling my significant other that I don’t want to see her over the weekends. Normally, this is when we’d try to hang out, so this is a weird shift in my behavior. I’d say: Look, I have work to do this weekend. And while the work bit was absolutely true most of the time, she easily could have come over to my place and entertained herself while I was logged into systems and on conference bridges.
What was the real reason I didn’t want her to come over? Because I planned on spending the weekend drunk, and miserable, and by myself. I wanted to do this instead of spending time with the woman I loved.
Yeah. You don’t have to tell me. I know. This isn’t a good development.
During another weekend, now in the middle of March, we’re spending time together at my place and she notices an insane pile of beer cans, and some empty Glenlivit bottles that I’d gotten too lazy to clean up before she came over. She knew I was drinking more than a little but my guess is that she was in denial up to this point. Confronted with evidence speaking to the seriousness of my problem, we have a talk.
Several hours of yelling and crying later, and she’s dumped my Asshole Nerd ass. The main thing that’s come out, you see, is that I’ve changed to the point that I’d rather be hammered and alone than sober and with her.
Call me when you figure out what’s important to you.